Beasts of the Wasteland: Giggler



As everyone knows, the Wasteland is full of dangerous critters, the type that can tear your balls off if you don’t know what you are doing. Usually folks go fucking around like true jackasses, without any second thought to what kind of beasts they might go across, and then it’s time for regretting and bleeding. That’s why I have decided to consecrate my life to be a boffin about all this, a respected Official Bugger and Mutardologist from the Scrapbridge Methane and Meat Electro-proteic Guild (in which I am founding member, as well as president, secretary, treasurer and field specialist). I am doctor Sarious, and I will try in this Guide to the animals, critters and mutations of the Wasteland to make a cool study about the animals that populate our world.

They say laughter gives you years to live. Fuck that! If you suddendly hear some gligglin’ around in the Wasteland, you better start running like your ass was on fire, or stand still as a post and even stop breathin’. Because hearin’ a loud, hysterical laughter means one of these two things: whether my brother-in-law Julio is laughin’ at one of his own unfunny jokes, or, maybe even worse, a Giggler is nearby.


A Giggler is quite a big critter, up to 45 feet for the bigger ones, including the tail which is quite long in itself. Their bodies are covered in a short, shit-hued fur (in any combination of turd tones, from sick green to vomit yellow) with darker dots scattered all ober their bodies. The only exception is their heads, adorned with lushy manes that would be anyone’s envy around this part of the World. They have long snouts with not that many teeth, but the ones they have are big and scary as fuck. Their front legs end in long fingers, everyone of which turn at their tips in razor-sharp claws. They don’t have eyes, so they can’t see shit, but they make up for this with some big-ass round ears, very sensitive and handy. They also have thin, long tongues which sometimes they use to navigate around by licking everythin’ in front of them before moving.


Gigglers use to live near highly contaminated areas, but not inside them. That’s weird, because they don’t seem to be specially adapted for living in toxic or irradiated places. It seems they just like to live on the edge, as I can’t find any other explanation for this behaviour. Theyr habitat is always quite flat and void of any obstacle or terrain features. I guess that’s to avoid any embarrasing accident due to their natural blindness.

They are lonely creatures and I have never seen any couple or even a puppy. So I don’t have a fuckin’ clue about how they mate, and fuck, and that. I am still trying to figure out that info.


Gigglers sleep most of the time. In fact, despite the size of those big-ass ears they have on the sides of their heads, they can sleep quite deeply without being disturbed by almost anythin’. My guess is that’s got somethin’ to do with their size protectin’ them from most of the predators around. When they are awake they usually produce a really anoying sound, quite similar to a hysterical chuckle or giggle, hence their name. At first I thought that sound served as some kind of sonar to guide themselves, but I have seen a Giggler in a rush bashin’ himself badly against a boulder, and I swear I would have cracked meself up to pukin’ if not for the fact that it was chasin’ me. Even tho, let not all their flaws to fool you, becaouse Gigglers are top predators and if you enter their hunting grounds you will be in deep trouble. They can hear your breathing from hundreds of yards away, tear your armor to pieces with theyr sharp claws and bite your head off in a single bite. My advise to you is to look for the most rugged areas, where Gigglers will have a hard time chasing you without crashing into something, or lose their time feeling their surroundings with their tongues. I also have a theory about their teeth, which is that they don’t have that many of ‘em because they keep loosin’em after a lifetime of head-on collisions with various landscape features.


Truth to be told, you can put to good use many parts of a Giggler’s body. Their skin is tough but also flexible and easy to work with, useful to tan into cool jackets. They awesome manes are great as decoration for clothes, to make wigs, blankets… They claws can be attached to a handle and be used as knifes, sickles or whatever.

I know a guy that captured one of them to use it as a guardian beast, thanks to its sharp hearing. But it was sleeping thrughout most of the day and when awake it emited that deafeing gigglin’ sound without a pause. And, one day, he devoured its boss for dinner in a pinch. His workers released it free again into the Wasteland as a thank you token for getting rid of they’re asshole boss.

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