Story: Mutard life

– Dude, life in the Waztelanz iz a zhit.

– We can’t complain, we have waterr, food, shelterr… and we even get laid once in a whale.

– If we pay, dude, we get laiz if we pay and a lot, becauze for mutardz like uz iz very difficult to dip the weenie even wiz whorez.

– Yeah, we arre quite horrible, man.

– You are horrible, wiz that prick faze you have. I am handzome.

– You arre handsome, but yourr teeth arre a feet long, yourr tits ooze pox, you have a rretrractable dick and yourr balls come out of this thing…

– Ok, ok, I get it. But you are proving me right. Life here zuckz.

– I don’t see it that bad.

– You don’t zee it bad becauze you have four eyez, but that iz dizguzting. You get up in the morning, if you get up at all, and don’t know if you are going to die that day. A mozcorpion can bite you, the Fifz Reich getz you, you fall in a pit full of “little zpikez” or a blizter you didn’t know you had in your back ezplodez.

– Don’t exaggerrate, nothing everr happens.

– Martinetez.

– Well, yes, Marrtinetes died two moons ago, but that was because he was a rreal prrick. Who could rreally think of scrrewing a marrtabbit? They explode!

– Ok, Martinetez waz an azzhole. Palauztre!

– Palaustrre is alive. A landsharrrk ate his tentacles, but he still can enterrrtain himself with his fluffy hand.

– Crab.

– You killed Crrrab, you bastarrrd! You sprrrinkled salt underrr his shell.

– Yeah, that iz true, I am a badazz, he, he, he! But, hey, what about the zivil inzecurity?

– The what?

– The zivil inzecurity, man. Yezterday the Palomocho zhack fell off and he diez! Thiz morning a biter bit the Muzhroom in the azz, the day before Tankhead blow hiz head off after taking a zhotgun from the dead armz of a junker.

– I know, man, but that arrre just shitty things that happen.

– There iz alwayz zomeone dying around. Even in the Pool Feazt there iz always zome corpzez..

– Cut it, man. That is a rrrrrreally quiet and rrrrrrrelaxing parrrrrrrrty.

– Evileye, the lazt year, fell into the barbeque. The year before Anklez waz taken away by a highjaker. Three yeaz ago Borderline waz stompez to deaz by a ztampede of buffamelz. Four yearz ago, the pool caught fire and two guyz were burnt alive! What are the chanzez that a pool of water catchez fire, man?

– Yeah, rrrrrrrright, that is rrrrrrrrrrrrrreal bad luck. Sorrrrrrrrrrry, man, I am stuck again with the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

– You are really bazly made, man. Be careful your throat doezn’t ezplode and you die horribly.

– My thrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroat will be exposed?

– Ezplode, man, ezplode. Kabooom!

– You arrrrrrrrrrrrrrre rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright, dude, this life is a rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal… a fucking shit, you know.