Beasts of the Wasteland: Martabbits


As everyone knows, the Wasteland is full of dangerous critters, the type that can tear your balls off if you don’t know what you are doing. Usually folks go fucking around like true jackasses, without any second thought to what kind of beasts they might go across, and then it’s time for regretting and bleeding. That’s why I have decided to consecrate my life to be a boffin about all this, a respected Official Bugger and Mutardologist from the Scrapbridge Methane and Meat Electro-proteic Guild (in which I am founding member, as well as president, secretary, treasurer and field specialist). I am doctor Sarious, and I will try in this Guide to the animals, critters and mutations of the Wasteland to make a cool study about the animals that populate our world.

Today I will talk about martabbits, the rodents known across all the Wasteland. But the main feature all folks know them for is their ability to mutate all that fast when they become stressed. Then they grow bigger in an instant, to the point that they can explode in a violent and quite disgusting blast, which leaves the area full of guts, bones and that kind of stuff.


These creatures measure from 8 to 16 inches in height (depending on how big they have grown because of their stress), with a skin of a shitty tan color perfect to hide in the Wasteland. They have powerful big rear legs to hop around the ground, sharp nasty claws fit to dig, and huge ears which they use to hear from great distances any rival beast that might eat them out.


Martabbits can be found in almost any region around the area of Scrapbridge, but mainly in flat and clear plains or hills, with little presence of rocks that may hinder their underground movement.



Martabbits are omivours, omnivord… they eat anything, usually munching insects, little lizards or even the roots of some plants.

They can move either underground, digging tunnels, or overland, by means of powerful hops.

But what we all know about these critters is their tendency to what I call “evoxplode”, that is, “explode by evolution”. Although I have made a shitload of detailed studies over the corpses of several martabbits, I haven’t been able so far to determine why they react to stress in a way not seen in any other living being. When they feel themselves threatened, nervous or even excited, martabbits usually undergo a sudden evolution that make them grow in size in the blink of an eye. And if they grow too much, they explode in an unexpected and awesome manner. Being a martabbit is a bitch.

Of course, to make up for this they usually have A LOT of babies, having seen litters of as much as 20 or 30 cubs… what makes a lot of mothers become stressed and explode (now, you didn’t expect that, did you?).
In fact, I’m sure it’s not the first time that you go wandering around the Wasteland and you sense a strange little underground detonation. Bet your balls that it was a little scared martabbit in his lair that, frightened by some predator or by pure chance, mutated too much.


They are really appreciated in the Scrapbridge area because of their soft, valuable skin and tasty meat.

To capture them alive usually is an odyssey, as they are sneaky as hell and the stress of the chase makes them easily explode. But if you catch them in time, that makes them bigger and more valuable: a martabbit fat enough in the brink of exploding is like winning the big prize. After catching them they must be quickly introduced in some special sacks, rubbed with a mixture of herbs and the gland of a cowslumber (a two-headed lizard we will talk about in following entries), that makes them relax until reaching a drowsy state. After that you have to beat them to death, to avoid as much damage to their skin as possible. If you keep them in cages or you take too long to beat them up, they usually explode due to stress and lack of space to run. And that is not cool at all.

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